Sex Products - Read The Label

Although this happened a few years ago, it is still an experience worth passing on.  It was one of those moments that in hindsight was truly funny, but at the time was really, really embarrassing!

I was in a fairly committed relationship at the time. It was long enough that we were exclusive, and we were not using condoms of any sort for sex. After all, I was on the pill, and neither of us had any disease to be concerned about. Why would we need condoms?  In any event, we had been enjoying sex for quite some time.  Looking back, I realize that he was the first person that I had oral sex with. I was only passable at it, but he was amazing. Boy could he get me off!

Unfortunately he was never the longest lasting guy in the world when it came to regular sex, and I had sort of taught myself to come quickly if I wanted any form of orgasm at all. But I really, really wanted to have one of those deep, soul wrenching orgasms that I had read about so often in the books that I loved to read. He was just so good at the oral that I was pretty happy for the most part, but I longed for that feeling that I had read about. I mean, it just felt so good for the short time that he was in there that I was sure that my head would come off if he could last longer.

Feeling a bit frustrated, and not wanting to talk to either him or my friends about it, I decided to act on my own.  I ventured into a sex shop for the first time in my life.  After skulking around picking up random items off the shelves for a bit, I finally approached an older woman who worked there and explained my dilemma.  She was very nice about it and made me feel comfortable. Apparently it is quite common for younger men to be a bit too excited when having sex and they just do not have any control. She said that she had a numbing cream that would desensitize everything and help him to last longer. It seemed like just the right thing, so I purchased it and brought it home.

Time seemed to be at a standstill for the rest of the day. I knew that I was in the possession of the secret formula that was going to change my sex life. Take it from something good to something that was the envy of the gods on Olympus! I had been waiting my whole adult life for this! I was going to have the kind of orgasm that would make the gods weep, make the earth stop in its orbit, and make a fifty dollar prostitute jealous!

That night, just before we went to bed, I went to the bathroom and applied the cream to my vagina. I could feel the effects immediately! I jumped into bed and started to seduce him. We kissed long and passionately, then he started to kiss me on the neck, then my nipples. I was going wild. At that point, he started to lick my pussy!

I was waiting for my usual response to his tongue, but something was wrong. It did not feel right! I was just not feeling him like normal. I kept telling him to go faster. Pretty soon I was screaming it! When he tried to respond, nothing but garbled nonsense came out of his mouth. He was looking a bit wild eyed! He ran to the bathroom and started to rinse his mouth out with water. In a desperate measure, he started to wash his mouth with soap, but all that did was make him gag. He still could not talk.  Gradually the effects seemed to lessen, and after a half hour or so he could talk again.

He asked me if I knew what had happened.  When I explained my problem, he looked at me strangely and then asked to see the tube. After he read them, he started to shake his head and then looked at me. He guessed that I had not actually read any instructions. I said that the woman in the store told me to just rub it on. How hard was that?  He said yes, that was true, but I was supposed to rub it on him!  On top of that admonition, apparently the instructions also forbade oral sex while using that product!

I was shocked, then embarrassed. I blushed like a virgin seeing a man naked for the first time. Then I started chuckling. He started to laugh too. Pretty soon we were rolling around the bed laughing so hard that I almost peed. Good thing I did not because we were still stark naked.

Well it has been many years since that night. I have been to sex shops more than once since then, but now I always read the instructions very, very carefully.  Unfortunately, our relationship did not last for very long after that night. His career took him some place I could not go. But of all the men I have loved, he is the one that I always smile about when I think of him.

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